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Posts Tagged ‘recovery’

I’ve written my letter, mostly.  I’m having a few friends I trust look it over.  So now what? 

I’m a bit confused now, really.  I do not know how to trust any longer when it comes to hearing a sermon.  It’s like when I was younger and read “Late Great Planet Earth” and everything around me I saw was pointing to scary events.  I was hyper focused on the stuff I read, and was walking in fear.  I now feel unraveled, that I need to go back to basics so to speak, to get my bearings. 

I believe the emergent/seeker friendly/new spirituality/new age church is wide spread.   Because it is so widespread, I’m afraid I’ll just church shop my way into the same problem again.  Also, and this is very difficult, I now wonder how much of what I believe has been colored and touched by false teaching.  I do not want to throw away the good and true things I have learned because it seems like what mergent churches might teach.  I want to hold fast to what is good even if Rick Warren said it once.  You see, the lie is so close to the truth that there is some truth there.  It would be easy to loose faith after realizing the lies we were rubbing up against.  It’s hard to wonder how much of my “good will” feelings were my own or what was prompted by the suggestions of my church leaders.  Sometimes I look at the good things our church was doing (in terms of service and missions projects) and I begin to wonder what was wrong with that?  The only thing wrong, really, was that it wasn’t coming from God but coming from man’s plans.  To top it off, the message was distorted only slightly (more so now than then), and so what we were doing was not for God.  Is is an accurate thing to say our church was like Cain?  Abel brought the true sacrifice God required, and we were bringing something else.  That made everything we did not quite good enough, not quite right.  We were missing the mark.  So now, I live in this little world where I question so much of what I’m doing.  What do I do next? 

I also don’t want to judge people wrongly.  If there is a tie in to mergent, fine, I’ll avoid or try to redirect.  I don’t want to shy away from going out and walking around and praying for my neighbors.  Though “prayer walks” come from contemplative style churches, this doesn’t mean that praying for my neighbors should stop.  I don’t want to avoid going out by myself and praying just because contemplatives talk about solitude.  I also don’t want to avoid trying to find a quiet place to have a “quiet time” or spend time reading and praying because contemplatives talk of being still.  There is nothing wrong with going to the Father in prayer and finding a quiet place to pray.  It’s whether or not that is requried for “a closer relationship” to Him that’s questionable.  I will not be meditating with repetative phrases, I will not be opening myself up or centering in prayer.  So, being quiet for a while is not evil.  It’s just the distortion of the requirements and the mimicking eastern meditation methods that is wrong.  It’s not wrong to expect to be changed because I am a Christian, it’s just wrong to transform into something of this world.

So, I guess the “now what” is to just “do the next thing.”  I need to take time to be with my family, to study the Bible, to pray, and to find a place we can worship the only wise God, the true God.

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I am struggling right now with the seperation from the church we so loved.  Really, the church was our family, our community.  We do have friends and connections elsewhere, but I believe church is to be a place where you go for fellowship wtih other believers.  We have so many in our own family that are not believers and followers of Christ, that we felt a responsibility for witness to our own flesh and blood.  My husband’s father is now a follower and believer because of our influence (and he had a solid pastor who would have their church studying one book of the Bible week to week for months).  My step-mom has really been thinking about her faith and her commitment to Christ, and actually has people praying for my dad who is basically a deist.   My mother has never been in my life, but is in a position where I can begin a letter writing relationship with and can share more about Jesus.  I have written letters to an uncle in the past who had attempted suicide.  I very much am one who tries to “go” and share the gospel.  But our refreshment came in our church family.  We love the people and are saddened by the deviation from truth.

I have other things that have been pulled apart.  The realization that merging is everywhere is shocking.  I am a radio listener, love pastors and Christian talk.  I hear the terms popping up there.  I also am sick of many contemporary songs that are not clear on doctrine (singing to the “beautiful one I love” but who is this one?).  Everything I ate up thinking it was doing something positive, and maybe most of it was positive.  It’s just I feel I need to evaluate everything.  I had sources I trusted, and now some of those are gone.  It’s rather frustrating. 

I am learning more and more that I have been out of the Word of God too much.  I used to be one that read, wrote prayer requests down in a notebook, and prayed almost constantly.  Life has gotten in the way, and I have felt so “good” in church I was unaware how far I had let myself go.  I really need to be regular in study, and in prayer.  This is not so I am saved, but so I can grow again.  It’s like my lifeline has been pinched so I was withering a bit.  I need to study and learn.  God’s always been there, I’ve just let myself go further from Him.

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