Why Christians Should Remember Babies of Miscarriage/Stillbirth

I personally believe, as Christians who would mourn with someone who lost a family member, we should also make sure to remember the littlest of people.   Mothers and fathers of babies who die in the womb,  just before birth, or soon after, are often put through the “just get over it” phase.  The earlier in pregnancy the baby dies, or if there are disabilities such as Down’s syndrome or Trisomy 18, there is often a justification for shortening the mourning period. 

I believe there is a time to mourn, and also that we do feel a deep sadness for the chidlren we do not get to actually meet because God set eternity in our hearts.  Maybe I am making a leap here, and please let me know if this is not a right thought, but I do believe we were not actually meant to be apart in death.  Not actually.  So, it’s a natural state to mourn our losses. 

I personally see grief as a gift.  When I had a baby die in the womb at 16 weeks, something discovered at a regular OB appointment, I mourned deeply.  I decided I would allow myself to mourn.  I spent hours in prayer, and hours letting God hear my anguish.  I spent hours reading scriptures.  My other children were being taken care of by grandparents and their father.  I just had to weep, think, pray, write, and remember.  I wanted to go all the way with mourning.  After all, God had created the child in me and I actually felt I was dishonoring God to not mourn properly.  Now, this was just feelings, not gospel truth.  Though now, I am so glad I did mourn fully. 

What I did want more than anything though was to bury the remains of my child.  I had been pushed into a D&E by my doctor, who was trying to be kind.  I am outspoken, but chose not to ask or speak up.  I do not know what was holding me back, but I didn’t ask for the remains, didn’t ask to be induced.  I later helped get a line written in a law in my state that caused hospitals to be responsible to inform women they can have the remains when being treated for miscarriage or “fetal demise.” 

I know there is a time to let the dead be dead and rejoin the living…but I believe the church should be supportive of those families who have experienced the death of a loved one no matter how small.  A rose on the piano, a card of sympathy, a prayer from a pastor or maybe a women’s group leader, a book of rememberance in the church , something should be done to honor those who have had babies die in pregnancy or shortly after birth.  I do not think this is a mandate, or that a church is less holy for not doing it.  I just think it wouldn’t hurt to do a little bit more.

Of course, there are many women who have never spoken of their miscarriages.  It’s too painful, or they have chosen to keep the secret to themselves.  Others have had abortions and would never speak of it.  If a church acknowleges the losses openly in general, this might help the silent mourners too.

I believe, as a prolife woman, thanking my God for the days I was pregnant with the chidlren I miscarried, and mourning the losses, has honored His creation.  Again, this is just my opinion and not a revelation from God to me. 

If you have had a baby die, I pray for you.  I thank God for the time you had with your baby, no matter how brief, and I pray for your comfort.

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Harrowing Weekend

In more ways than one this weekend has shown me the value of life.  In our personal life, we had a moment when our child was in danger of death.  The Lord was merciful and our little one came away unharmed, but the moment will forever be etched in our minds. 

Life can end quickly and even quietly.   Hours before this, a man shot Dr. George Tiller (I have heard in the head) in a church.  This was not a silent act, this was violence.  So many of us who value life never wanted this to happen.  My personal desire was for Tiller to realize how awful abortion is, and for him to repent.  Beyond this, my desire was that he would be stopped by legal means.  

I personally know a couple who had a baby dying in the mother’s womb.  They claim Christian faith.  They were our small group leaders.  They knew the moment of their child’s death because they chose to allow a doctor to stop her heart.  Her official birthday, though she was born dead, was the one year birthday of my little girl who nearly died by accident this weekend. 

I will never forget the sadness I felt for my friends who had never carried a baby to term due to miscarriage, and who had another baby dying in their womb.  I mourned with them at the loss of their little one.  I had experienced a 2nd trimester miscarriage myself, and understand how hard it is to have a baby die in the womb. 

However, they heard the last heartbeat, they approved and chose the moment of death.  I was sorely disappointed.  It was a complicated and difficult decision, and my friends had chosen abortion over the natural death that would most surely have come within a few days or weeks.  I do not know how they were able to cope with this.  They induced a still baby, and likely saw the needle mark on her chest.  They got to hold her, had hair clippings and tiny footprints.  They had a funeral, and they named their baby.  I was heartbroken for them, and at the same time heartsick.  How could they abort their baby?  I know this seems like compassion to some, but to me, I just could not relate.  I would do anything to save my child if possible, and if I was told I could do nothing, that medicine could do nothing, then I would let nature take it’s course and allow God to determine the time of death. 

So now a man who acted in a way I can never understand, a man who not only supported late term abortion but performed them, this man is dead.  I do not rejoice.  I would rather he faced his guilt at a time when he could be given a chance to repent.  It’s not like he didn’t have chances.  I am sure he felt he was compassionate, that he provided a service to women who needed to stop their child from suffering. 

There is another couple I know, one who was pregnant with a child who had a fatal genetic problem.  This child would live only a few hours after birth.  This family chose to birth the baby after labor began.  They chose to comfort and care for their child after his birth.  He in fact did have severe abnormalities, his condition was fatal.  He did not die at the hand of a medical abortion doctor, he died in the arms of his mother as she held him, kissed him, and rocked his warm body.  This was not an easy death to bear for this family.  His little life was valued. 

Life, a gift from God.

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