I have not really spoken here about my family life. We’re a large family and we homeschool our children. In about 4th grade, we then have used a public school virtual curriculum, so technically we are teaching at home but not pure homeschooling. Well, my husband has been wanting to get our oldest son out into the public school. Mostly, it’s because he fights me on every turn with instruction. He wants to learn, he just doesn’t like me to teach him. And he doesn’t want to do his Algebra at all and only finishes because I push him to do so. He also seems bored and sort of picks at his siblings around here. My husband believes that if he’s gone, I’ll be less distracted with the behavior and will be able to teach the other kids more effectively.
Also, our son is always at home performing for me. He’s often worried about pleasing us as parents, and never is free to just work without worrying. He tells me everything he does, he shows me every lego set, drawing, and all. At some point, he needs to shift away from pleasing mom with everything. We began to notice that he gets compliments when away from us. We’re always told he’s helpful and is a great kid. He shines when he’s not worried what we think of him as parents. He performs well at home, so maybe without the pressure of every math problem being observed by Mom or Dad, he’d be free to fail and learn?
We know our oldest son is very strong in his belief in Christ. He’s willing to share, and unwilling to compromise at this point. He expressed a real fear of straying, that was one of the things on his “con” list. He also is worried he’ll argue with teachers about truth because he knows they are not going to be teaching from a Christian perspective. I agree, he might actually get into some discussions. He’s sort of strong willed and zealous on many points. It might get him into trouble.
So, we’ve decided to send him out. We do not have the money to put him in the private school (run by a reformed Presbyterian church). Even with scholarships, it’s a budget buster for us. I cannot really work that much with six children at home, so public school it is.
My problem is that I feel I’m personally letting my son down, sending him away. I also think homeschooling is superior in most cases. Sure, being there for your kids no matter what helps a lot. Teaching them to follow Christ and teaching them the bible is important and will help, but they can be tempted, they can be abused.
What gets me too are all the comments that he’ll learn some lessons he needs to learn out there. Really? It’s almost like people really believe a child must be in the public classroom to function. They must have these other teachers, these run ins with other students to succeed in life. I fear that what we will be doing is baking the cake to almost done, and then will just expect it to finish on the top of the stove while it’s cooling down.
My main problem is that my husband is not really strong on what he wants to do. I want them home until they graduate, and then want to be very careful about where they get their college education. We don’t have the money to just do whatever we want. My husband wants the problems at home to end, wants the boy to move on and do something different. He’s not on the same page as me. My husband does want our kids to be Christians, he wants them to have a good education, but he also wants me to be happy. So much of this is on me, and I haven’t always been the best organizer or doer in this house, so if my husband really wants our son to go, I feel I should honor his wish.
So, I sit here, enrollment is on Thursday, and it’s taking all of me to not get upset.
I am a C...I am a CH...I am a CHRISTIAN 
I’m sorry, friend. You have my compassion and sympathy. The feeling of “sending out” must be somewhat terrifying, especially at this age for your son.
I think your husband makes some good points, and he is YOUR protector, too, as well as being your children’s protector. My heart goes out to you, as this is a very complex situation with no simple solution. Having a friendship as I do with your eldest son, I think your husband has some good points. But your concerns are also very real. If it is not the right thing, I pray it will be apparent quickly, so that you can take immediate action. However, perhaps it is what ALL of you need. I don’t want to be cavalier and say “everything’s going to be ok,” but I also think it could be the beginning of a wonderful adventure for your son. I know how he loves adventure!
No matter what, you have my love and prayers. You are in no way a failure with your children (though obviously I’m not saying you’re perfect :), nor is this a permanent decision, which is comforting to me. Hang in there…
Thanks Cara. So many people are saying, “it’s about time” as if we have been doing something wrong along the way. They aren’t saying it outright, but are saying things like, “whether you want to admit it or not, Eli has to face the real world of teens.” No he doesn’t, not experience it for himself necessarily. Part of my problem is my own heart. I hear these comments and almost want to stand up for homeschooling as a movement. We are NOT homeschooling because we want our kids to stay away from people of other types than us. We are NOT homeschooling because we are superior. We are not trying to just shelter our children…but are definitely wanting to be the guides rather than someone else. We are wanting to build the foundation so the kids can go out with others and have compassion, and can stand on that foundation. So it’s not a biased “they are evil” thinking. It’s a time for building up and building in. A time to help our kids make good decisions and avoid wrong infiltration. It’s giving an opportunity to know Christ, an opportunity to succeed. I actually had someone say that those who succeed need to experience other teens. Not so, and I wish to be the one to show this. However, it’s not about proving homeschooling right. It’s about our family and what is best for each one and for the whole.
And yes, Eli loves adventure and I think he does see it this way. That helps a lot.
Dear sister in Christ,
I can empathize with your situation. I only have two children that I home school… 6th and 9th grade this year. I can relate very much with what you have shared. I will be praying for you. Please contact me if you would like to talk either by email or by phone. I would love the opportunity to encourage you.
I think my ideal would be private school. If God provided the funds, I would do that in a heartbeat.
I do not understand that “it’s about time response” from people. I have so much respect for how you care for and school your children. I would much rather Eli NOT have to face the “real” world of teens. UGH. But, I respect that it may be the best viable decision at this point for your family. I would prefer private school, too, even though there are still plenty of problems there.
Thinking of you!
Cara
Hi, we had six children,we also home schooled and we had to make this very decision with our second daughter, She was and is still very driven and did not thrive in home school like many of her siblings. I was very afraid to send her to public school. But she asked me to take her to lunch one day because she wanted to talk. When we got to lunch she whipped out a binder with three lists, Pros, Cons and Why’s. The why’s list is what got me. It was actually a list of why it would be good for her to go to public school. It was her plan. I worried, but in the end through much prayer my wife and I felt peace at letting her go. To make a long story short, she now has her masters in secondary education and is a wife, busy Christian mother of two, active and involved in her church (as well as the fine Christian man she is married to that she met in high school) I still worried but she was worried about more than disappointing me or mom. She was worried about disappointing God and not being a witness to the truth. I hope that this rambling note, a bit late I am sure, will give you a measure of comfort. We dedicated each of our six to God and held them tight until God gave us peace to let each one go, in His time.