I realized recently that I’ve been a bit frozen in everything since I started really learning about the things getting into Christian churches and ministries (or things that had been getting in for a while). I now am unsure of many ministries. I used to listen to Focus on the Family on the radio every day, as well as Hank. I used to listen to CCM frequently, but now I am frozen. I cannot figure out where I am safe to listen. Now that we’re in a new church, I still cannot relax. We’re just still trying the church, and so it could go anyway. No where am I comfortable any longer. Reading scripture and prayer is riddled with thoughts about this whole mess. I want to learn in my reading time, and I want to pray and feel confident as I had before. I am full of questions, full of frustration, sometimes sadness. I do not really feel confusion. I just want to be sure I am where I’m supposed to be. I don’t want to live by experience, I want to live as God would have me live in His way, in His word. I realize I have faith in God, and because He’s given it to me, my faith is stronger even than when I started this whole thing. However, my faith in men is really low. That’s good in some ways, as men will fail. However, we are meant to fellowship, we are meant to learn from others. I do not believe this “lone ranger Christian” nonesense everyone is saying to keep people from going off for a period of time to test the spirits. I believe that line is being used as a guilt trip, not giving people a chance to analyse things. However, unless there is absolutely no church available, I believe it’s important to continue to meet in order to worship, fellowship, learn, and finally, serve. People keep telling me there is no perfect church, true enough. However, there is the perfect church for my family somewhere because God is in control. The “universal church” is something I believe in. There are people who are saved in grace and mercy by faith, who follow Christ and who are studying and learning about God. There are people in the church who are following the Lord’s commands and are making disciples. I believe this. I just want to be a part of this church. Maybe our old church is a part of this body, but has let doctrines seep in and yet is still okay. Maybe. Maybe where we fellowship now is part of the body, maybe. I don’t know. I just want to get my footing back. However, I know I have not lost my place with God. Nothing can snatch me from His hand.