Unworthy

poem i wrote long ago…and cannot find it’s text so I’m trying to remember…and this may be the best thing as I’ll be more free to revise…

Unworthy

I come to you

a wretched case

lost in the mire

of my disgrace

for all my shame

I hide my face

I’m unworthy

unworthy

Friend of sinners

by my friend

and comfort me

I’m unworthy

unworthy

Hope of the hopeless

be my hope

and rescue me.

 

Somewhere in there I should ask forgiveness.  Work in progress, I guess…

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My Feeling Lately

I do not trust my own feelings at times, and this goes for discernment.  I usually check them, and check them hard.  It’s why I get myself in trouble sometimes, because I check them with people around me.  Somewhere the Bible talks about getting Godly counsel (I remember memorizing it and didn’t practice enough to keep in in memory).  Anyway, this is what I do, check with the Bible, check in prayer, check with people I trust to some extent.  That said, I believe the feelings I’ve been having of late are right.  I feel so much like a little worm of a person.  I know I am dust, my days are numbered, and I need to be seeking after God.  I need to humbly come before God in prayer through Christ Jesus.  I am a sinner just like everyone else, and I know many things in my heart.  I have neglected to keep my life pure (especially when it comes to modern entertainment like television or radio).  I have not put God, my family, and other priorities where they belong and often wonder why I never get things done in my day.  I waste the time given, and don’t always keep the responsibilities I’ve been given where they should be.  I take my God and my blessings for granted.  I do not love as I should, do not live as I should.  I am a sinner.  I am also forgiven, and am a believer, a true Christian.  Because of God’s grace through His Son, I am forgiven and I do live better than I would have.  I am better with Jesus than I was without him (or would be).  I just often let my flesh and my heart get in the way of what I am to be doing.  God challenges me on this and I have been truly challeneged lately.  What was my church to me?  I think it was a place to hide.  There were enough people there, I could serve and fool myself a little bit.  I also think it was a place to feel good.  I also believe it was a place I could get something.  Often, when we shared a prayer request of financial need, the church stepped in and gave.  Bless them for this, but we didn’t learn to be completely financially responsible with our money.  We went out to eat when we shouldn’t have, and we spent on some frivolous things.  Yes, we may spend less than people around us, but still, we could have been better about it.  Now, it’s downright scary.  We know we don’t have the church to bail us out.  We have been more careful with our money.  See what I just wrote?  OUR money.  It’ s not our money, or our plans that matter.  It’s God’s money, God’s plans.  Sure, we like our kids to be in activities, and we enjoy Red Robin every once in a while.  But, we have to really look at our lives now and examine how much we were idolizing and holding on to when we should have been much more faithful.  I should be much more faithful.  Proverbs 31, wow, if I were 1/4th what that woman was!

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