I am struggling right now with the seperation from the church we so loved. Really, the church was our family, our community. We do have friends and connections elsewhere, but I believe church is to be a place where you go for fellowship wtih other believers. We have so many in our own family that are not believers and followers of Christ, that we felt a responsibility for witness to our own flesh and blood. My husband’s father is now a follower and believer because of our influence (and he had a solid pastor who would have their church studying one book of the Bible week to week for months). My step-mom has really been thinking about her faith and her commitment to Christ, and actually has people praying for my dad who is basically a deist. My mother has never been in my life, but is in a position where I can begin a letter writing relationship with and can share more about Jesus. I have written letters to an uncle in the past who had attempted suicide. I very much am one who tries to “go” and share the gospel. But our refreshment came in our church family. We love the people and are saddened by the deviation from truth.
I have other things that have been pulled apart. The realization that merging is everywhere is shocking. I am a radio listener, love pastors and Christian talk. I hear the terms popping up there. I also am sick of many contemporary songs that are not clear on doctrine (singing to the “beautiful one I love” but who is this one?). Everything I ate up thinking it was doing something positive, and maybe most of it was positive. It’s just I feel I need to evaluate everything. I had sources I trusted, and now some of those are gone. It’s rather frustrating.
I am learning more and more that I have been out of the Word of God too much. I used to be one that read, wrote prayer requests down in a notebook, and prayed almost constantly. Life has gotten in the way, and I have felt so “good” in church I was unaware how far I had let myself go. I really need to be regular in study, and in prayer. This is not so I am saved, but so I can grow again. It’s like my lifeline has been pinched so I was withering a bit. I need to study and learn. God’s always been there, I’ve just let myself go further from Him.