A few things are very difficult in this time as our family looks into the shift our church. First of all, there’s the grief because ministers and people we love are buying this. Though I did have some things bother me, and I recall having a few crystal clear moments of “what the heck is going on here” I still was walking right along with this stuff. As I read through sermons now, it’s clear where our church is heading (we’ve really pretty much arrived). I was just so proud of my church and what they did for those who are in need, and for the missions aspect. I still think doing is important. I believe a church should meet the needs of others as a body, and should try to help people in poverty or who have had a disaster. This is a good thing. It’s not enough though.
I now feel a burden to either teach as many as possible what I know. I have to learn to do this appropriately, but the way I am I want to sound it from the rooftops. I have half a mind to walk about the church and drop fliers and place books in the library. I thought of taking the sermons in the library and putting post its inside with warnings. I just don’t want my people to go down in error like this. It’s so hard.
Then there’ s the realization that this is so deep in the local metro area. Oh my, with the camps and the other churches we partner with, and the church plants, and the conferences, and the local seminaries involved, this runs deep. If it’s not Rick Warren materials it’s Dallas Willard or Brian McLaren. So many people are following this without realizing it.
I am struggling with the idea of doing things somewhat differently. I have to now wonder if “small groups” are a bad thing. We’ve always been involved in Bible study groups, but these small groups the last few years have not been about the Bible but about books and DVD driven lessons with skits, and service projects, and signing a group covenant and the like. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to trust the “small group” model again.
I have learned how immature I am. I let this all slip by me. I feel terrible about that. I have been knocked down, the wind knocked out of me. I love these people, my kids love these people. They cannot all be lost, right? I mean, we are still Christians, aren’t we all? I know in whom I have believed, but who have all these others been believing in? I was talking with a friend, and she just cannot imagine certain staff being involved, but I say they are the most likely involved. The kindest, most wonderful people, and I realize now they are the ones who have fallen the hardest for Dallas Willard, and probably contemplative. Our pastors spend a great many hours reading books, going to conferences, and all the missions projects. When are they reading the Bible? I am sure they are reading, but when?
We had over 100 kids “come up” at our summer VBS type event this summer. What is going to happen to them? What kind of food will they be fed? What’s going to happen to my children if and when we decide to get out of this church?